Mommy crushed by 25 year old refrigerator.

Dude, you let me down. I'm crushed. After I just introduced you to my readers and everything. After that most excellent pork roast I made for you last night. Geez. What's a mommy gotta do to get some respect from her kitchen appliances? Don't you know I have better things to do than move all my freezer goods to the garage right in the middle of CSI?

Well, I want you to know, we are officially breaking up, you and I. I don't want you in my house any longer. You're a slacker. A has-been. A throwback from the 80s. And I'm throwin' you back! I need a little more me-time than I'm getting from all the fretting about you holding up your end of this relationship. YOU HAVE BEEN REPLACED.

Like an angel straight from heaven, the boss lady over at Frigidaire took pity on my pork roast and my room temperature St. Pauli Girl, and has come to my rescue. The following excerpt is, you know, pretty much how it happened.
Frigidaire: We hear you are having some refrigerator issues.

Mommy: Ha! That's putting it mildly.

Frigidaire: We think you are a pretty princess and deserve better.

Mommy: FINALLY! Someone appreciates me. And doesn't ask for Cheetos in return.

Luka: Mommy, you're my sweetheart. Can I have a popsicle?

Mommy: They're in the garage now, remember? You'll have to wait a minute, mommy's on the phone. 


Mommy: Don't get your Transformer panties, er, big boy underwear, in a twist there little man. Look! There's Barney!

Frigidaire: How about we give you a refrigerator to test-drive.

Mommy: Excuse me? Test-drive?

Frigidaire: Would you like a new refrigerator? Stainless. With one of those water and ice dispenser thingees in the door. We can hook you up.

Mommy: What, test-drive like that new Honda CRV I went and test-drove last month so I could get the free camera? What do you mean test-drive? You gonna send those mover guys with their sweaty shirts and butt-cracks to drive it back on your lot after a week, and I get to keep the ice maker or something?!

Frigidaire: Oh no Mommy, we would do that to you. Remember, you're a pretty princess. You can keep it.

Mommy: *faints* *recovers* *faints again*

Luka: Mommy's got a boo boo. She needs a Spiderman band-aid. Now can I have a popsicle?

Frigidaire: For real, Mommy. We're here to help. 

Mommy: WELL, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ME! Barkeep! A round of lukewarm St. Pauli Girl! I am totally Facebooking you, you are my new BFF. Now I'll have more time to do the really important things in life like listen to Triumph's Fight the Good Fight over and over again while trying to make it thru a 2-star Sudoku puzzle, instead of adding more ice to the coolers to keep that dang pork roast from rotting. Frigidaire, you're my hero. 
Now, it's your turn, people. Frigidaire wants you to win some snazzy new Frigidaire appliances for your home...and get this, they are GUARANTEED to give you more free-, er, me-time because they have designed them to do things better, stronger, faster. (Kinda bionic I'm thinking.) The Guarantee goes like this...
“More Me-Time” Guarantee: Moms will reduce the amount of time they typically spend on housework by at least 8 hours a month using a combination of three or more select Frigidaire appliances or they can return the appliances to their place of purchase within 30 days and get their money back!
Today they rolled out 250 brand new kitchen and laundry appliances just for mom. Including my soon-to-be refrigerator! Go here, click on My Motherload, and write in the 5 things you'd do with one more hour in the day (that you are supposedly NOT doing household chores anymore, if you had these appliances) and you could be the winner of an entire suite of new Frigidaire appliances! For real!

And when my new BFF sends over the new fridge later this month, I'll introduce you all to him. He is sleek. He is shiny. He dispenses filtered water. He chills beer in a single bound. I'm counting the days. (And the melted ice cubes.)

Mommy's Wish List Disclosure: This post was sponsored by Frigidaire.


Mariana @ Riding With No Hands said...

Congrats!! I'm on Team Washer/Dryer. SO exciting!!

Rockin' Mama said...

You are hilarious! And really brilliant! : )